Swim Lessons

As of last Monday morning, Liam would not go in the water. He would sit on the steps, but he would not float, even with his floaty, and didn't even really like it when I was holding him. Swimming lessons have changed it! I was worried about how much fight he would give. He has been so brave and told me he would do it even though he was scared. The second and third lesson, he didn't cry, but was genuinely afraid at first. By the end of the lessons he would be okay. The 4th and 5th lesson he was really took off. He has one more lesson still, but we went swimming last night with him and he didn't wear a vest at all. He would swim from one side to the other over and over. He would jump off the diving board, and then swim to the side. He can't swim the whole length of the pool yet, because he hasn't learned how to take a breath, but I am so thrilled! I'm so proud of him that he conquered his fear and was willing to be taught.

Troy is finished with his lessons. He was able to focus more on technique and we will be able to practice before swim team next season. I feel like we can really claim we are from Houston when are kids can swim well. Haha. It's something I cherish from my childhood here.

These first videos are of Liam.

He got a candy for doing what was asked of him.

After the third lesson, we went to the pool but put a life vest on him. I think he got over his fear of the water..

And on Monday he learned how to actually swim with his legs up.

After his 5th lesson we went to the Boyer's a second time and Liam didn't wear a vest the whole time. I was swimming with him, so no picture. But here is his 6th and final lesson.

Troy did really well from day one. I loved watching him. He moves his hands in a very mechanical way, but he's trying to make sure he does it exactly right. It's so sweet.

At lessons, the kids would play at this castle. I think it's almost exactly like the one that Tyler got for his birthday when we were little. The fireplace is a hidden door. So cool.

 Little miss Kate is quite the little fish. She wants to swim without a floaty so bad. Next year, when no isn't her favorite word. Haha.

2 Weeks in Pictures

Ikea Trip = one of my favorite places to shop, and for the first time ever, there was a shorter line to the play area. Troy and Liam were SO excited.

George Bush Park. We are usually at a splash pad because it's too hot, but we just decided to sweat.

Katelyn and her faces.

Daddy Play Time.

Ben got new headlights for Father's Day. The old is on the right, the new on the left. It makes his car look so much better.

I don't know why I only got a picture of this bouquet, but we have been overwhelmed by the love and support from friends and family. Flowers, cards, meals, cookies left at the door, a blanket left at the door, baby books, and hugs with comforting words. I don't want to forget all of the prayers in our behalf. I've never felt so loved by so many.

Liam presenting our heart attack. They each got a squirter too, which they have played with on our front lawn each day since.

We love our playroom. We plan to paint it this weekend.

The boys have been in swim lessons. Troy has had 5 and is doing great. He's learning how to breathe and do freestyle. I only have videos of Liam and I can't get them to work. I'll take a picture of him on Friday. He has had 2 lessons. The first was a lot of crying and fear, but listened by the end. This morning was much better and I believe he will actually be swimming eventually. I don't think I would have said that Monday morning. Haha.

We went to a farewell pool party/bbq for the Walker family in our last ward. It was so great to reunite with friends. If you actually look for us, I am with the boys in the front left and Ben is in the back right, barely visible. I didn't find him in time. Love this group!

Charlotte's Birthday 28

I had a wonderful birthday! I woke up to Ben's decorations and yummy treats. I have to comment on the tablecloth. I had been showing him stencils that I wanted to use on a particular small wall in our bathroom. It's similar to the tablecloth but larger. Anyway, I thought it was sweet of him to remember.

That night we went out on the town, ate and shopped. I wore my new clothes from mom (Kaylene) and shopped at Nordstrom home, thanks to Dad and Bev. I'm also excited to use my gift card from my mom! I was pretty spoiled. Wish I would have gotten a picture. I got a new duvet and euro pillows for our bed to match our wall colors. I'll take a picture when I finally get them in the mail. We worked with a sales lady at Nordstrom that made our whole experience. She was older and couldn't quite get the computer to do what she wanted, but kept laughing at us that we were still smiling and asked us why we were so happy. Well, the reason is standing right next to me. :)

The kids think a birthday is solely for the moment of the birthday cake. In fact, Liam told me to take the decorations down once we were done eating the cake because the birthday was over.

Yay for Ben making sure there were 28 candles. Nice visual. The chocolate cake was amazing.

Healing Thoughts

It's hard for me to just sit and think about my current situation. My closest place to peace is when I turn to gospel truths and words of the Lord through our leaders. I found great comfort in these words today. 

These first three paragraphs are from the First Presidency Message this month:           
            "The pioneers learned that doing hard things deepened and strengthened body, mind, and spirit; magnified their understanding of their divine nature; and heightened their compassion for others. This habit firmed their souls and became a blessing to them long after their trek across the plains and mountains had ended."
            "Happiness doesn’t come from external circumstances. It comes from the inside—regardless of what is happening around us."
            "The pioneers knew that, and with that spirit they found happiness in every circumstance and in every trial—even in those trials that reached down and troubled the deep waters of their very souls."

President Uchtdorf gave a talk on being grateful in any circumstance a couple conferences ago.                 
                 "Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges."
                 "This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind."

I've thought a lot about having a spirit of gratitude. I can only have it if I remember that the Lord loves me, that He is in control, and has wonderful plans for me. If I truly believe that, a spirit of gratitude is accomplished. 

Angel Girl

On Monday, July 6 at 10 p.m. we had our Angel girl. We had found out that morning in our 20 week ultrasound that her heart had stopped beating. I decided to do the labor instead of the d&c because I wanted to see her. I think it was harder for Ben to see, but I needed it and he was sweet to let me. I needed to see that she was really gone and that I really had been pregnant. I didn't just want to forget about it, I wanted to get through it and have closure. I also didn't know the gender until after the delivery.

I opted to not have an epidural, because I didn't think labor would be quite as intense and I have a weird appreciation for feeling contractions and going through the labor process. I like to know the progress of each contraction as it gets stronger. The ultrasound had been at 8:45 a.m.. We went to the hospital at 1:30 p.m. My induction finally happened at 3:30 and contractions started around 5:00. They got more intense by 8:00, but I had a feeling that they wouldn't get much worse. Those hours look long, but they didn't feel long to me. I was expecting it would take awhile. When the baby finally came, I didn't have much warning. There was no pushing whatsoever. My contractions just kind of pushed her out for me. Ben had actually just left to go get a drink. He got in the elevator and I told him to come back.

The baby was still in the sac when she came out. The nurse was happy about that because she said it might help us see what the issue had been. But the cord was not wrapped around the body. They couldn't see any reason on the outside of why it happened.

I could see that the baby had passed for at least a week because the body looked much more fragile. I decided not to risk holding her, but I was able to see and feel what I needed. There was no spirit there. Just a body. But it was a body that had been growing inside of me, that I had seen move and heard the heart beat. It's not fair to be termed a miscarriage, even a late miscarriage. She won't be something I forget and get over. She is a baby I carried.

I'm so grateful to have the privilege to bare children. My heart broke a little this past week, but I know I will get a chance to experience the joy I would have had in the future. I have felt strength from the Lord, the atonement, and the prayers that have been offered on my behalf. I'm so grateful for the words from our leaders that help me see the purpose of trial, the healing that comes from gratitude and faith in the Lord. I'm still working on the grief and hope, but my faith has increased and I have felt comfort from the atonement. I know time will help.

I decided not to take a picture of her. She was whole, and looked like a small baby, but not what you might expect. So, I have her picture in my memory and I will cherish it.
The only picture I really have, is this picture I took for Ben while I was in Utah. I was 19 weeks.

Utah Trip 2015 D

The second week I got to visit with our Grandparents. My sweet Grandma Andersen is my Dad's mom. My mom, along with my Aunt and cousins, made this doll house for her after the 100th grandchild was born. The kids thought it was SO cool. 

It's been about 18 years... so it's inside has been pretty gutted. I'm amazed that it still has this many furniture pieces. 

After Grandma's, we got to visit with the Jacob family. I was lucky enough to see my sweet cousins who were in town. I loved talking to my cousins Joanna, Ramona, Jen and my Aunt Ladawn. My Uncle Jim and Ramona's husband were there as well. Plus all of their kids! They were going to be having a reunion that week. There is a strength, a faith, and an uplifting feeling in that family. I felt so inspired chatting with them. I needed that reminder of the power and influence of a mother.  Strong faith is very influential. 

The following day we went up Provo canyon to our usual spot. 

We were missing daddy pretty badly by this point in our trip. But being surrounded by family was so worth it. My kids were able to strengthen relationships that I cherish. 

After naps, we were able to visit with Grandma and Grandpa Great. We lived in their basement before we moved to Texas for a couple of months. Ice cream is a tradition ;) 

I love the feeling of shade in Utah. 

Katelyn would not go down the slide unless Grandpa helped her. Haha. 

This swing is genius. It's a tetherball. 

Back at Grandma Jana's the next day, my mom made play-dough. 

I was able to run some errands during their naps, while Troy and Grandma played games. They also got into the sticker collection my mom as from the scrapbooking days and made cards for their friends back home. 

That night we headed to Devin and Sarah's for some Wii playing and pizza. Troy had been asking to do that every since he knew about our trip to Utah. Devin had brought the Wii U in April when they visited. Troy definitely didn't forget. 

Cute Sarah is a great horse for the littles. Tim grew up so much in just a few short months. He will be bigger than Katelyn before I know it. They are only 5 months apart, but Tim was born at 27 weeks.. so he's doing great at the size he is at. He is also such a smiley boy! It was so easy to get him to smile. 

I can't wait for the memories these two will make as they get older :)

Saturday morning, we got to see Grandpa Allsop (Ben's dad) and Grandma Bev. 

While they took Brayden car shopping, we went to the Lindon pool again. 

Brittany and Katelyn. I think Katelyn grew a serious attachment to Brittany and Alit. She preferred them over me when we were together. Love it!

Everyone knows Troy adores his Grandma Allsop. 

Liam was next to me when I took the picture.. so I thought, until I looked closer and saw that he is hanging off the side. I helped him get back out. He would have been fine, but he screams if he can't touch. He is pretty afraid of water, fast rides, and whatever he wants to be scared of at the moment. I'm guessing he will grow out of it. Hopefully. 

Katelyn fell for Grandpa Allsop pretty quickly that night at the park. It was a precious few hours with them. So sweet to see them with their grandparents. 

Brayden is on the furthest swing, then Troy, then Liam. Brittany is with Katelyn.

Brayden and Katelyn. Grandma and Grandpa Great are in the back with Grandpa Allsop.

Katelyn and Uncle Alit. 

The Wii game that the boys like most was Super Mario (I don't know what it was actually called.) But they put on these socks to have "fireball and ice throwing power."

I don't have pictures from Sunday, so lame. We were fortunate enough to be in Utah when two of Ben's cousins came home from their missions. They are both in Layton and spoke 2 hours. I was so impressed by their talks. They made the gospel so simple and central to our lives. I loved the stories they shared and the faith that emanated from them. Powerful meetings. 

I also loved seeing all of the Aunts, Uncles and cousins. Kaylene comes from a wonderful family and I wish we could have stayed and played games or something. So sad to miss the reunion next week. But we will always have the Merrill Christmas party to look forward to!

On Monday, we went to see my mom one last time before heading off to Jungle Jim's with my siblings. My mom can't be around too many people, since she is going through chemo still. She still came and looked through the window a little bit. It broke my heart. We will go again in December and she will be done with chemo! 

Aunt Megan made this happen and it was a blast. I can't believe I've never been to this place. The perfect place to take little kids. 

This ride went pretty fast. Katelyn was fine, but Liam started screaming. Troy went on it later with cousin Halli. They had the same love for the thrill.

Tim, Halli, Troy, Katelyn, and Liam. 

Megan also bought tokens and played games with the kids. She scored major points with them! I wish things like this were not the reason my kids loved their Aunts and Uncles.. but it does help them remember them and put smiles on their faces. I think this place might have to be a tradition. 

Left to Right: Liam, Halli, Megan, Troy, Katelyn

Troy is showing his prize from the tickets. A monster that jumps. 

That night we headed back to Lindon and Brayden recommended we go get some famous strawberry shakes from Taco Amigo. Hahaha. The name is still funny to me. The shakes were really good. 

The next day we went to Seven Peaks, Brittany, Alit and mom got work off to come. We had such a great time. Troy, especially. He went on all of the big rides with Brayden, Brittany and Alit. Mom helped me out with Katelyn and Liam. Liam was having a particularly bad day that day. He was unusually scared of everything and crying. When Troy came and joined us, he helped Liam not be as scared and the day got much better. 

That night, mom and Brittany took my shopping for my birthday. Mom got me THE cutest clothes. I've never tried on so many clothes in one dressing room. I should have paid them as my private consultants. Brittany found the perfect pregnancy skirts for me. We also got really cute shirts and some pregnancy pants. To top it off, we got See's chocolates. The perfect outing! 

We left early the next morning. We got all the way to Lubbock, about 14 1/2 hours. We were accidentally given the wrong key, but I was too tired to take care of it, not to mention the three kids with me I would have had to lug with me. So, we all slept in the same king bed. I wouldn't recommend it. Katelyn woke up with this face..

I was reminded of Devin telling me she looked like Dakota Fanning. I think she might have a future in the movies. 

We were SO happy to see Daddy when we got home. He was waiting for us outside, because he was tracking my phone. Haha. These kids have never been so happy. 

I'm so grateful we went on the trip, but it was a long time to be away from Ben. It ended up being almost 4 weeks, because he had been on a work trip before we left. I think next time.. we'll try to work out him coming for some of the trip.